When I started this "race" with Jessica, I didn't have even a little hope of winning. Honestly, I had very little hope after the last year of ever losing anything at all even just a few pounds. So why did I agree to the competition?
Because my friend wanted it. The competitive edge was what she needed to finally break a barrier, finally break a plateau, finally really get motivated. And I knew that. So I figured, what's a little motivation for a friend going to cost me? A gift I would have sent anyway just for being proud of her? No problem. So I agreed.
Then, right around the time I got my prescription, she got hurt. I tried to get her to hold the race, stall it, and start again when she's healed. But her competitive streak is in high gear, and the prescription isn't making it easier for her. She's working out even though it's hurting, and I can only hope she heals soon before her ankle is damaged permanently, like mine. Man, that's a bitch, it's a little arthritic and everything. So I hope she at least gets spared of that.
But I've done something I never thought would happen. I've pulled ahead of the race. Only by a half-pound ... and it may not even matter because she hasn't been online to update her stuff yet, she could have lost well yesterday ... but just for a minute, I'm ahead. We are the same weight. I never thought we would be. Back in school, she was never really "skinny" per se ... but at the most, she might have had an extra five or ten pounds, compared my extra fifty or more.
So for the two of us? She was definitely the skinny one. And I'm not saying that now I am, or that that's what I want ... because we are the same in weight now, just like so many other ways that we've literally always been the same. But for the weight? It's literally a weight tie (except for the race itself) ... and it just feels good.
Not to mention the feeling of victory over my body. All my life I have battled with fat. I've always worked out a little, always played outside when I was a kid, always did sit-ups and crunches and push-ups ... you name it, I was a workout fiend back then. Every year I asked for two things, both for my birthday and for Christmas. Never got them, still don't have them, but I always had the desire. All I ever asked for was a home gym, and a treadmill. Strange for a kid, huh?
And even though I didn't get those things, I made it a point to try and stay active, taking walks, riding bikes, etc. But I got nowhere. I was always the biggest one. Always. Completely without fail.
Even then it must have a slow metabolism, because no matter what I did, I wasn't just fat and staying that way, I was getting bigger all the time! And apparently it runs in the family. When I told my grandmother about the issue, and that I'd been working so hard and finally had to get a prescription? She told me that she's never had a prescription, but that she's always been like me, always battling the extra pounds. I doubt she's ever had more then ten or twenty of them ... but still.
And it's like that for me now. The medication that I'm taking is an adrenaline booster, and a time-release appetite suppressant. I would never have asked for that, since I was on SparkPeople and had no problem maintaining my recommended calorie limits. And all day, even though I was eating very little calorie-wise, I wasn't starving or anything like that. It wasn't hard so I thought my appetite was fine, that I was just lazy.
But with the medicine, I've only reached the very bottom of my recommended daily calories one time, and that was also the one day that my weight stayed steady. I am now eating between 700 and 900 calories, and that seems to be working for me. I never could have eaten that little before! And am slightly surprised that I am able to do it now, and still maintain a good deal of energy, even enough to do some very minor strength training, trying to preserve muscle and fight against muscle loss.
The few side effects that I was dealing with in the beginning seem to have eased up, so now it's just like normal ... only with pride, and hope for a thinner healthier future.
Not to mention the incredible gratefulness to GOD who led me to this doctor, and to the doctor who still actually cares about the patient enough to really step in and help out.