Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Speed Junkie

Okay, so yesterday ...

I went to the doctor's appointment, showed all the things that I had printed up and brought with me. Printouts of what I eat, printouts of my workouts (when, where, how), and printouts of all my weigh-ins. As she looked through my papers, and listened to me talking nervously about how hard I've been struggling over the past year, the mental struggle, the physical struggle, everything ... She said she can't believe I haven't lost any weight. Said that it should have been rolling right off by now. Said that with the effort shown in my paperwork, I should have at least lost a few of these stubborn pounds. Asked about the health in my family, which includes heart disease, vascular disease, Diabetes ... and then she gave me a prescription for Phentermine ... which is basically a legal version of the drug "speed".

A prescription. A "fat pill". A DRUG. My first one. Because I am so fat, so huge ... such a failure. A pill.

The doctor also asked me to come back this morning to have some "fasting" blood work taken. So I had the prescription filled last night (almost $40), but didn't take it. I wanted to wait till after the blood work, and also didn't want to take it at night since one of the side effects is insomnia.

Then, this morning we got up early to get out the door in time and head back to the doctor's office. The blood work done, I could now eat and take my new medication, but had been instructed to take it half an hour before eating, so since we were headed to Wal-Mart for a minute before going to my mom's house (it's her birthday), I took the pill planning to eat when I got to my mom's.

I forgot. To eat. Had to be reminded. A couple of times. And had to choke it down. Hmmmm.

Not to mention the other effects of this little pill that cutely resembles an oval Cert. There is a very heightened sense of ... everything. Clearer details, brighter colors, better sense of hearing and smell. More sensitive skin and intuition. Odd.

So now I'm turning the page to a book that has taken a turn from personal tragedy to suspense, and even I can't wait to see what happens next.