Sometimes in my blogging, I feel as if I've hit a wall. I love reading blogs that are introspective, ones that make me think deep thoughts, and I have always wanted to write one of those blogs, the kind that people look to for inspiration. Sometimes I achieve this and when I sit back and look at the post I've written, I marvel that the words I read came from the tips of my fingers as they tapped away at the keyboard of this laptop. However, I do not seem to be that kind of writer these days.
I don't have some bible verse that has been swirling around in my head for days. I wish I did. I don't have some deep topic to write about, though I suppose I could find one and then move onto the challenge of putting my own words and coherent thoughts behind that topic.
But I tire of writing the same things over and over ... "Teenybop is challenging" ... "Piglet is feeling sick" ... "I miss Private Ryan" ... "I am thankful for the support of my best friend" ... Don't I have something more than this to say? Surely there are meaningful words in this mind which I know is at least somewhat well-trained and still far more mature than my calendar years. I have lived on this earth for twenty-six years and have birthed two children, been engaged three times and married once ... don't I have something to say?
I guess I do, but I can't seem to grasp a topic in the swirl these days. Sometimes I sit here with my fingers poised over the keyboard, the cursor on the screen blinking insistently as if to ask, "Hello? Are you still there? Haven't you anything to say after all?" And then I feel helpless because I am quite a talker, I generally have lots to say ... but where are my words? It is like someone came in the night and packed up my eloquence and my ability to adequately express myself ... and then sneaked away leaving me mute though my mind is like a cesspool of idle thoughts which each have the potential to be a lesson or story if only I could grasp them and then put enough words together to make the point.
I hate hitting the wall. It hurts my head when I long to type but seem to have nothing to say, or nothing that I feel free to say in this place where others are looking. Sometimes I seek out lists of writing promts, but where are the good ones, the ones that really make you think deep thoughts? I mean, really, who cares what animal I would be if I could be any animal in the world? But just in case, I'm not sure which ... they all have their good points.
The wall sucks. It sucks to have so much to say, yet the words are stubborn and refuse to be strung together properly.