Well, I've still been reading. I haven't finished the book yet, even though it's barely 300 pages ... because I've been busy.
And when I picked up the book tonight to try and finish reading it quick since it's due back tomorrow at the library, I very clearly heard GOD (and Joyce) telling me that I'm going to need to stop the rush and re-check the book. I'm going to need to take some time with this one, really dig in. Because I'm still somewhere in the very beginning of the book ... yet this is the second of what I'm sure will be several inspired blog posts.
The part of the book I'm reading right now? It's about being fruitful. It all started with a bit about being too busy doing so many things that there really isn't enough time to perform any one thing with excellence. And I thought, "Well, there's me in a nutshell."
I spend a lot of my time feeling like I'm messing up, like I'm not getting things right in my life. And don't get me wrong, I don't mean to say that I feel like I'm a bad mom, or a bad fiance/wife, or a bad influence on those around me.
But maybe I am.
Because my whole life suffers from my calendar, and the sad thing is that it's really not a busy calendar. If it came down to basic obligations, my day would look like this:
- Take teenybop to school in the morning, maybe stay for beakfast
- Eat breakfast at home with God, or at least read the Bible if I've already had breakfast with Teenybop
- Take a shower if I didn't get to the night before, and straighten up the house
- Chill for a bit (Maybe again with GOD?) if there's time
- Go get Teenybop from school
- Spend the afternoon with Teenybop and Fiance, playing and talking ... "momming" and "wife-ing"
- Get dinner in the bellies of my family, send my big loved one off to work, and get the little loved one in the tub. Wash her, play with her, sing with her, and talk to her about how her day went, how her tomorrow might go, and maybe fit in a good lesson about being a Christlike child
- Pop her into bed, then there's time for me.
That could look so much better. It could be so much better ... because truthfully, it's only the wishlist for me of my day. Most days are more full somehow, and yet I don't accomplish the most basic of things. There's not that much stuff there, right? No. Then why do I feel so swamped all the time? Because I spend ... waste, so much of my time that there's little left for the things that I'd honestly rather do when I get to thinking about it. My family suffers sometimes because of the "little" things that are unfruitful that have taken me over. And so have my friendships.
Often, I'm feeling so stressed and busy that I'm impatient with my family, I don't make time for GOD, I don't make time for my friends ... because I'm too busy.
But I don't want to come to the days when I am old and be thinking like Solomon, like this:
"I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. I made reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. I bought male and female slaves and had other slaves who were born in my house. I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me. I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired men and women singers, and a harem as well—the delights of the heart of man. I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me. I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun."
That passage is from the Bible; it's Ecclesiastes 2:4-11. And what it means is that although Solomon had money, servants, and property, he felt alone and empty and without purpose. He felt that although he'd spent most of his life trying to aquire this great wealth, in the end he'd have done nothing. We can't take our wealth with us, no matter how much we have. So what good is it? Beyond what it takes to be fed, clothed, and sheltered, there really is no need for more than that, is there?
I don't want to have wasted GOD's gift of life and time doing useless things. So I'm on a new mission starting now. I'm going to pare my life down, and if I find that it's not something fruitful in my life, if it's something useless and time-wasting, I'm going to cut it off.
Because my Bible and my GOD have called me to be fruitful, not busy.