Okay, so I've decided again to stop worrying so much about my weight. I'm not happy about it seeming to go back up a little, but the other day I was watching this show about a guy who had been so enormous and yada yada yada, and he got plastic surgery to remove some of his extra skin so that he could move around more easily to continue trying to lose weight (he had started out huge, something like 800 lbs). Well, the tissue they removed from his chest area alone weighed 50 lbs. So I'm pretty sure I'll lose about 20 or 30 whenever I can finally afford that tummy tuck I've been craving. Literally, when I lay on my side, the loose skin on my stomach folds over itself and piles up next to me. Gross, I know ... but still true.
So I have a new goal. You will notice that all weight-related trackers and info spots have been removed from this blog, as my focus is being redirected (at least for now) to general fitness, weight be damned. I'm going to keep riding my bike when I get time, keep working on my pilates when I have the energy, maybe even start some yoga ... but mainly, my focus right now to going to be to tone up, build some muscle, and find a new doctor that will hear me out and at least help me solve the weird problem of the low blood-protein levels.
When I first started thinking about changing my focus to take off the pressure of the numbers, I felt like I was admitting defeat. I couldn't do it. I couldn't lose the weight and keep it off. Keep it off, hell ... I couldn't even lose most of what I wanted to lose. But I came all the way down from a stretchy size 20 jeans to a stretchy size 14. And that's got to count for something. I was almost into 12's, and with the recent weight re-gain my 14's are still fitting, albeit a little more snug than they had been. But hey ... I did make some progress.
But I also have to realize that life isn't about the scale. It isn't about the numbers. My man thinks I look great, my daughter thinks I'm beautiful, and most days I think that without this extra skin I'd kinda look pretty good. So there's a plan in the works to see what can be done about the skin, and in the meantime, I'm going to try to work on my body, not my numbers.