Friday, December 11, 2009

Almost Seven Months ...

It's been almost seven months since Piglet was born. In that time she has had a rough start to life, being diagnosed with mild acid reflux as well as severe seasonal allergies. She has gone from almost ten pounds at birth to almost 17 pounds at her six-month checkup. She has grown from 20 inches to over twenty-five inches. As a newborn, we had so many issues with her, and we were often afraid for her health, as she suffered from such a bad case of jaundice that she was kept an extra night in the hospital and was almost readmitted after only a week at home. Her jaundice was severe enough that the doctors had already talked to us about the procedures involved in an exchange blood transfusion. We were so terrified, and each of us felt guilty for our parts in her being so sick. We knew that Boyfriend and his mother had had a blood incompatibility when he was born, but we didn't know until it was too late that there was such a great chance of it happening with us. But it did. Ironically, I am the same blood type as Boyfriend's mother, and he is the same type as his father. So is Piglet, and so that incompatibility could have contributed to her jaundice in the first place. But all that is over now, and she is growing beautifully.

Piglet is now developing wonderfully, growing like a weed, playing all the time, and loving her mama with all her little heart. She rarely gets far from me, and doesn't wait long for my return if I should actually escape from her line of sight throughout the day. I never thought of myself as an attachment parent before ... but this is certainly an attachment baby, perfectly content while she is with her mommy but not nearly as happy when she is with anyone else. She has her sister's big blue eyes though hers are a little more violet to Teenybop's blue-gray, and in her six month life span, her hair has been black, brown, and blond. These days, she is sporting a red head, though it seems to be going brown again as it fills in a bit more.

I wish I had beautiful things to post here, lovely words to keep forever in record of all the love I feel for this little child. But she leaves me without words, and each time she smiles I want to cry a little in my joy. Each time she murmurs "mama" and I know that she does it intentionally, my heart skips a beat and trips over itself in happiness.

And each time I contemplate what the future could hold for her (and indeed her sister also), and the hurts she will encounter in her lifetime, my mother-heart squeezes in on itself and the heartache I feel is an actual physical pain. If only we moms could find a way to truly protect our children, to shelter them the way we ache to, and to see them spared from hurt, harm or fear ...

But then I get real, and I know that is not the way God intended it to be. So I soldier up, and I get ready to raise my daughters to the best of my ability, to seek out God in all things, and His guidance for my children. I ask His protection, His wisdom and His guidance over them, even knowing that they will someday hurt anyway, and that in His plan, they will need to hurt a little here and there in order to become whoever He wants them to be. And I surrender both of them to His will.