As I read this morning I was touched by the end of one section, but when I started the next section, it was like God Himself had come to talk to me this morning, to reach out His hand and offer reassurance. Then I read the next section and was floored by what God had to say about how He sees me, and it made me feel good. It made me see the value in myself. And it made me want someone who sees that same value in me and my two princesses without effort. There has been a lot going on in my relationship in the past months, and I am anxious to see what the next few weeks bring. But the happenings these days are not encouraging and I am seeing many of my insecurities rise up in the midst of all this.
But this morning, God used this book to reach me, and then used my favorite tv preacher to reassure me yet again. I was watching Joyce Meyer and she was talking about the different ways we can spend our daily time with God. She talked about being able to be taught by other things in life, not just to sit every day and play out a ritual where you read your Bible for a specific time and then pray for a specific time. She said sometimes God leads her to a book or song, sometimes to certain books in the Bible, or maybe to just one little verse. I was laughing out loud watching that this morning, because I had just been beating myself up over not reading my Bible the way I "should" ... because I have been led to spend time lately with God in musical worship or in reading other books, such as "Do You Think I'm Beautiful". So there's one way He has been talking to me this morning, reassuring me that I am on the right track and that He loves me. Now I'll get back on task and tell you about the other things He said to me.
In the book, I read a section where Angela remembered the first time she'd been asked to dance by a boy she liked. She recounted the way it felt to be standing there with her friends and have a cute boy come up to her and ask her to dance. As she talked through the shock that some boy would actually want to dance with her, I remembered the first time I had a boy get interested in me ... and I was shocked back then too. I wasn't beautiful ... Heck I wasn't even thin! But he wanted to be with me ... and I was floored.
In my life I have shared relationship with people who did not value me as I deserve to be valued, who did not treat me with the respect and love that I was created for. But then I read about the way God sees me, and why He wants to know me, to have me know Him. And I have decided never again to settle. I want a man who will strive to love me with a heart of God, one who will see me as a daughter of God, important enough to fight for, delicate enough to be unfailingly gentle, precious enough for unending tenderness ... and Beautiful. Beautiful enough for a man to feel amazed by me, for him to be enthralled.
Like this: "That means captivated, smitten, fascinated, spellbound, and delighted. That's exactly how the prince feels about the princess in fairy tales. But this sentiment is not fiction. Enthralled in how God in heaven feels about you. He is taken with you. Undistracted. Intensely interested. Emotionally connected. He enjoys your laughter and takes pleasure in the way you think. He is not bored with you, and he would never consider you ordinary. There is no way you will ever go unnoticed with God. You are beautiful to Him. Incredibly, breathtakingly beautiful." (Angela Thomas, "Do You Think I'm Beautiful")
Angela goes on to say, "God's love for you is passionate and pure and without reservation. He never holds back or plays games with your heart. There are no riddles with God. This kind of love does not stand you up. Ha always shows up, always remembers, and always keeps His promises. God's love is unrelenting. He does not turn away even if you do. His excitement over you does not wane. God's love is not some namby-pamby kindergarten crush. He is not fickle. God has seen you across the room, and He cannot take His eyes off you.