Monday, December 7, 2009

Do You Think I'm Beautiful ... No More Pretending

My last post on this book was December fourth. I've read the next section, "No More Pretending", and I've spent the weekend meditating on what was there. But the words of that section were so close to my own heart that I have little to add. Were my heart able able to find the proper words, I believe those words would be a direct copy of what this author has already written. So I will just quote the two passages that brought tears to my eyes, and share with you what God shared with me as I read.

First up is part of an excerpt from the author's journal, where she is expressing her anguish and her longing to be beautiful and to be desired. She questions God, asking Him if He can truly love her though she is flawed beyond repair, asking Him if He will love her completely even when she fully gives herself to Him. And then she says, "Oh, God, hold me, please hold me and tell me that You love me. Tell me that I am desirable. Tell me that You'll fight for me. Tell me that I am beautiful."

And God came to her as she cried and waited for His answer to her pleas. She wrote, "In the wilderness of that room, as alone as I have ever been, the Lord met me. The words He formed in my mind began to answer the question. In my imagination I could sense the Lord patiently smiling over me, and I heard Him speak into my heart: Yes, Angela, I think that you are beautiful."

Imagine having God come to you in a time when you desperately need someone to come to you and reassure you that you matter, that you mean something. Imagine the Creator of the entire world, the entire universe, reaching out His hand to you and calling you by name. Perhaps He is hurt that you do not value one of His most prized creations ... that you find little value in yourself. Let me tell you, it happens to you every time you call Him. He comes to you, ready to reassure, to hug and hold you, to remind you that He loves you and treasures you. And just in case you can't hear Him, I'll share with you the words that He gave to Angela Thomas. Because in His own way, He speaks these words to us all.

"Your desire has served it's purpose; you have finally brought your true heart to Me. Are you tired of the weight of pretending? Are you tired of hoping that someone else could fill the place that was meant for Me? I see you, all of you, and you do not have to hide anymore. I see your sin and I see your flaws and I still desire you as My own. I am crazy about you. I am the answer for your longing. The "more" that your heart waits for is Me. Yes, dear one, yes, you are incredibly beautiful to Me." (Angela Thomas, "Do You Think I'm Beautiful")

I don't know about you, but I feel like I've found something ... He has shown me the way to a large and beautiful castle, up the elegant staircase, and as my hand slides up the carved banister, I know where He is leading me. He is holding my hand, leading me up to a room where I will find beauty. In that room will be the gown that He created for me, the ball gown that every princess longs to wear, and it will be customized not just to fit my body, but to mold perfectly to my soul, make just for me so that I could captivate as He intended me to. As I walk the stairs and head down the hallway to the room which awaits me, I know that there will be a mirror as well, one where I will have to really take a look at myself. But it will be a mirror from Him, from God, and He will show me what He sees in that mirror.