Monday, April 5, 2010

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

The Good --
      -- I love it that my Teenybop is so sweet. She isn't perfect by a long shot, and she has her flaws just as everyone else ... but my daughter is sweet and charming and beautiful. She is so smart and I am so very proud of her (most days).
      -- I love Piglet's little giggles, the way she squeals when she gets excited, and the passion she already shows us for all things edible. We called her Piglet originally because she would snort when she cried, but now we call her Piglet because she is one. The cutest little Piglet ever ... but nonetheless, a Piglet. She is generally a happy baby, smiling and giggling much of the day, but there is no excitement for her like food time. I love her, everything about her. Except the idea that she is learning how to throw tantrums ... and she's a natural.

The Bad --
      -- I hate kidney infections. Lately, I am getting them constantly, always the same kidney, and I am beginning to be a little afraid. Not to mention how painful they are, the way the pain makes me throw up, I get a little dizzy and I feel weak for days after a kidney episode. The real fear is that I am health-conscious, I try hard to take good care of this body that I live in. But it's always the same kidney, and I know how important kidneys are. I know I can live with only one ... but I'm sort of attached to the idea of having two.

The Ugly --
      -- The days until Private Ryan leaves are getting short. There are less than 200 hours left, and we will spend many of those sleeping. We will spend some apart, we will spend some fighting ... but how many will be good ones? I hope there are enough to last in the night when I am holding the memories close like an old blanket. I am starting to feel like I'm losing it, like my sanity gone out to lunch and my tear ducts are making me very aware of their presence. I don't wish that he wasn't leaving because I know that this is what's best for our family, that it will provide opportunities for us and for our children that would otherwise not be possible. But I wish it was easy, that I was strong enough to just grin and bear it, to see him off with a cheerful wave and hold my daughter alone as if I were superwoman. Then again ... I'm glad it's hard for us. It means that we really are a family, that he loves me and I love him. And that we will make it through this, because we want to.