Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Keeping On Keeping On

Lately I have been really missing Private Ryan, but I have also been getting used to getting by without him. This is scary for me, because we have had a few really REALLY rough spots in our relationship in the not-too-distant past. I don't want us to grow apart and get used to being without each other because I believe that getting used to it is the first step in learning to prefer it. And honestly, I don't want that. I don't want to like it better when I live without him, just like I don't want him to like it better without me (and the girls). I don't want my family to fall apart.

However, after the initial month or so of "I-miss-him-so-bad-I-forgot-all-his-faults-and-now-I-think-he's-perfect-again", we moved into the stage of this separation where I am frustrated with the army for changing the training schedule and frustrated with Private Ryan for not making the best of it to practice better communication with me in a way that would repair some of the faulty places in our relationship. At some point, our phone calls and texts began to dwindle and it was at the worst possible time, when I had been fighting a personal weakness and I would have really needed his presence to keep me strong.

I have not quite won this particular fight, but I have received advice from trusted friends and family members who hear my heart and not just my words. People who have my best interests at heart, people who have loved me for as long as I can remember, and people who I would quite literally trust with my life.
This is not to say that Private Ryan does not fit in that category of person for me ... just that I am so unbelievably thankful to have such strong people to lean on when I find myself unable to stand on my own. It has been amazing to be able to share things that I might be embarrassed or ashamed of ... and still have people who love me enough to support me no matter what, who want only the best for me.

In other news ...

Teenybop has requested to stop going to her therapist/counselor, and we both acknowledged that the therapist actually had nothing new to offer us. I have seen a steady improvement in her behavior through some tough techniques that we have tried, and a steady decline in the conflict between us as she learns again to respect my presence of authority in her life and as she learns to trust and believe in me as her mother.

Piglet had ear tubes surgically placed on the sixteenth of this month, and while she still has some pain lately from teething that sometimes presents as ear pain, she is like a changed child. She smiles much more freely, and has better balance most days. She doesn't spend all day with her finger in her ear anymore, and she is beginning to be more confident in herself. It is amazing, the difference in her.

That's all I can think of right now while still being careful of what I say, but hopefully I will be out of the bloggy funk soon and back to posting like a maniac.