Tuesday, August 24, 2010

My First Fast

Fasting has been quite an experience for me, in some ways exactly the way I thought it would be, and in some ways nothing like I thought it would be. I thought a lot of random things throughout the day, partly because my days are random and partly because I have been thinking lately that I might have a touch of ADHD. Anyway, here's my random-day breakdown for you.

6:22 am -- Can I really do this? I am sure going to miss sharing my low-carb scrambled cheesy egg breakfast with Piglet. She and Teenybop will eat without me this morning. Which will be hard for me because I still have to sit there with the plate and feed Piglet.

6:41 am -- Wow my stomach really like my morning breakfast routine. It ached for a few minutes, kind of a burning sensation. Now it is gone. Maybe this is because I begged it to shut up, and then promised it some tea.

7:17 am -- Cooking is a lot harder when you aren't tasting. When I make oatmeal for my girls it always has eggs in it for protein (sounds gross but you can't taste them, you just mix them in raw right at the end of the cooking process), and then peanut butter and sugar to make it taste like a less-sweet peanut butter cookie dough kind of thing. I always fix it up and then taste it to make sure it's right. Today I had Teenybop be my taste tester. And when I had peanut butter on my knuckles from reaching the spoon to the bottom of the jar, I had to wash it off instead of licking it off. Feeding the baby without eating isn't so bad though. My stomach is like, "Hey! Where's mine!" But it isn't really pitching a fit. Yet. So that's good. I'm sure my tea is helping some.

8:00 am -- Oh my goodness that Rascal Flatts sone ("Why") is about suicide! I have heard it a thousand times ... How has it not clicked for me before? What a sad, sad song.

10:00 am -- Just got out of the first of what will be two showers during my fast. I read somewhere that showering often is a great thing to do during a fast because it aids the skin in purifying the body. I noticed while I was getting undressed that my abs were tight, and I was standing straighter. I do know that I don't usually do that ... because I am ALWAYS exhausted. And it lasted during my shower too, I noticed that when I was washing my hair, my abs were pulled in and my back didn't arch backwards when I reached up. But I have also noticed and been more conscious of my habit when washing my hair to let my stomach poof out and my back arch backward, sort of like my entire core is just there but doing nothing. Today it is active, even right now while I am sitting. I still feel energetic too, and strong. My stomach rumbles once or twice an hour and I keep subconsciously planning what I'm going to do for the next meal, and then reminding myself that the next meal isn't going to happen until dinner which is already planned. I am already looking forward to doing a longer fast eventually. And observing myself and my thoughts during a longer period.

After that point, we had to get ready and feed Piglet her lunch so that we could go out. Private Ryan is on the job hunt and while he was headed to check on a mall job, I was going to take the baby and let her play in the mall play area. We ended up taking a detour so that Private Ryan could apply for a job we thought might work out well while we wait for him to be able to reenlist.

I wonder if it is a bad omen that while we were there, our car broke down. We called AT&T because thank goodness I have roadside assistance on my phone, but then got the car started so I was able to call again and cancel the tow we had ordered. We left from the job application place, and headed to pick up Teenybop from school since by that time we needed to be headed to get her.

I wonder if it is a worse omen that while we waited in the parent pick-up line, our car broke down again. We called AT&T (anyone else having deja vu?) and ordered a tow ...

By this point, I was hungry. Not ravenous, but hungry for sure. I was hot too. Now anyone who knows me knows that I am NOT FRIENDLY when I am hot, and neither is my little Piglet. So she cried. And I was frustrated. And hungry. And SO HOT. So I got angry.

Private Ryan and I talked a lot during that time, about issues between us and other things that had been going on. But finally, we got home all safe and sound. We made dinner but it wasn't exactly 24 hours that I fasted. More like 23 ... but close enough for me. And honestly, in spite of it being a terrible day because of the car, the fast was great and I am glad that I was able to think some things through during the course of the day. I'm glad that hunger made me irritable enough to really get honest and out in the open with Private Ryan about certain things. I'm glad that Teenybop was in school during all that so that we only had one hot sweaty bored kid instead of two. Mostly, I'm glad that I did the fast.

I did learn though, that next time I do one, I will want to plan on staying low-key, because I wasn't really feeling that stressed or that hungry until everything went haywire. Maybe the onset of the hunger was more emotional than physical ... I'm not sure. Next time, I will be better prepared and make sure that I stay home to relax and be able to enjoy the deeper thought processes. I'm not sure how soon I will plan the next fast, either, but I am going to enjoy regular eating tomorrow and give myself time to recover from all the emotional stuff from today.