I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking about my attitude and those of the people around me, and it seems that the life I lead is pretty negative. My parents have both had hard lives that left them battered and bitter. My infant is demanding so she spends a lot of time crying, and my ADHD kindergartner is a whole list of negative issues. Most of my friends tend to be a bit negative too, especially one who has a definite "misery loves company" attitude.
Conclusion? My life and the people in it sometimes bring me down. But I am sick and tired of being down. So I have also been thinking of ways to keep myself up, I've been praying for freedom from negative emotions, and I have been reading as much as possible, starting with a book about recovering from postpartum depression and other life events, called "Why I Jumped".
Beyond that, I read "The Worn Out Woman", which was helpful in some ways but not many. There were lots of suggestions in the book for how a worn out woman might be able to find restoration for a tired spirit. Most of them were somewhat laughable; things like soaking in a nice warm bath. Now don't get me wrong, I love a nice candlelit bubble bath as much as the next woman ... But if I had time to soak in a bath, I might not be so worn out. I did get a little chuckle out of it though.
Now I'm reading "Do You Think I'm Beautiful" by Angela Thomas. Now that's a good book. Perfect for a woman who grew up as the fat one in her group of friends, the woman mistreated to some degree by nearly every male in her life. The woman who spent most of her life feeling unattractive, unnoticeable, unworthy. Unwanted. Unloved. The woman who has felt unlovable. The woman in me.
It's a great book because it reminds me that I am not on this planet for other people. I am not living this life to be perfectly approved of by man. I am here to please my God, here to do His will. And He loves me the way I am. He thinks I am beautiful, even first thing in the morning with dried up drool, wrinkle marks from my bed, and no make-up. He thinks I am fascinating, even when I have "blonde moments" and say things that are completely asinine and air-headed.
Even thinking of that book makes me feel like Cinderella. I am the belle of the ball, the only one who fits the glass slipper.
What an incredible feeling! To read a book written by a woman who grew up feeling plain and unlovely, a self-proclaimed wallflower who has found healing in God's perspective. A woman healed by the love found in the way God sees us. As beautiful, loveable, wonderful ... Princesses.
