Monday, May 24, 2010

Manic Monday

Well, it's that time again. Manic Monday. The day when I can concentrate purely on whatever it is that my heart desires most at that moment. This week, my heart desires clarity. These days I am feeling confused and I don't know why. When I look at each aspect of my life, I feel strong and confident (mostly) ... but when I look at my life as a whole? Then confusion sets in again, and I feel as if my entire life is a jumble that I am struggling to balance ... yet I feel as if I am failing horribly.

What I want this week is to have this list embedded forever in my heart and my mind. I want to know it by heart, word for word, not just the general gist of things. I want this list so deeply ingrained in my mind and my thoughts, that the sheer force of gravity (and my belief in the possibility of achieving these things) will bring them to pass. I know that it will happen ... but I want it fast. I want it now. And not just to have the list ingrained, not just to have it memorized so that I can remember to work toward it and pray that it will be achieved. But I want in my mind and my heart because I want to see those things achieved and be able to praise my God for mercifully gifting me with those things. I know that He will because I believe in His promises to me ... but the waiting. So hard.